My James is going to be 4 in one week. I love him too much and don't want to let him grow up.
Last week Dave was out of town and I wrote these thoughts down in an email to him:
"For some reason, the solitude I've had this week has allowed me to somewhat calm down. I am always running and dealing with things...taking kids here and there, involved with park days, swim lessons, summer camps, etc. So this week we have had nothing and my phone has barely rung and it forced me to slow down. So today I reflected and just went with the flow of the kids. It was nice. I got to just be with them and I especially took notice of James who so often gets lost in the talking of Jonny and the physical demands of Isaac. I had fun discovering with him how a model train goes around a track at the museum today. I watched him get excitedly scared while watching the big crocodile-looking animal in the Land Before Time as I folded laundry. He would gasp, cover his mouth and squeal right before he'd look at me and say, "I'm not scared, Mom." And I got to play ice hockey with him and shoot dinosaurs with him at Chuckey Cheese. He beat me at ice hockey and his delight was and always is so endearing. I saw him jump around inside the car as we were trying to go somewhere and as my impatience started getting the best of me, I noticed that he wasn't just jumping around. He was doing things that he saw needed to be done first before he got in his carseat, i.e. choosing the exact cd he wanted to listen to, and then finding just the right toy for Isaac so that he would stop fussing. Then he was ready. On our outing, he brought along a small dinosaur and the dinosaur would have to eat leaves everywhere we went. Danville and San Ramon have a lot of leaves, but sometimes we would get caught up in a parking lot island waiting for that dinosaur to finish eating those leaves.
I am a bit emotional about this because I feel like the last couple of years with James have flown by and have I really been able to just "be" with him and enjoy who he is? I can't stand that he is going to be four and I don't know if I savored the time with him like I should have.... "
So my mom in her experience of raising 5 children said that with raising kids, you pay so much attention to the first one that you blink your eyes and all the younger ones grew up without you even noticing. That's what I feel like has happened with my sweet James. He is growing up and I'm not sure I'm ready for it yet. But what can I do? Life has got to happen. Love you James!
6 comments:
I LOVE what you've said! Our wonderful children DO grow up too fast.
Treasure EVERY moment. Write them down. Record them. I used to think "I'll freeze this in my memory," but then--as time passes, something "thaws," and a precious memory is gone forever.
James is a beautiful little boy! (Along with Jonny and Isaac, of course!) And how wonderful that his mom is with him--and noticing the marvelous moments.
They are gone too quickly........
Love Mom
Crissie, I am so glad you posted this about James! You put into words the way I feel about Benji. They are both in the same middle spot, with attention-getting big brothers, and baby siblings, and little time for one-on-one with mom.
I am looking forward to Nathan being in first grade mainly because I can't wait to get that time with Benji. Nathan has done soccer camp (3 hrs/day) this week and having that time with Benji, when Lainey is sleeping, has been precious! I look at his blue eyes, lucious eyelashes, red lips and perfect teeth and listen to all the silly, adorable things he has to say and it almost takes my breath away. I feel so lucky.
You have always been a loving mother. You have always told me how much you are enjoying James and how you adore him! You have savored it and will continue to...but it does fly. It's awful! The best kind of awful, I guess.
I'm so glad you're back to blogging. I feel the same way about Mia and my only consolation from Morgan starting kindergarten is that I get to spend more time with Mia. Thanks for the reminder to enjoy the time with them.
What a thoughtful post. I feel that way about certain seasons of my kids' lives. I find that different ones have been more demanding at different times, and time with the less squeaky wheels flies by.
So glad you got to slow down and have some very meaningful moments as James' mom.
Wow, what a neat post. I am so glad I have all my older sisters to look up to and learn from as I am starting my own family!
I had a friend whose mother told her that the more babies she had, the farther and farther away the oldest one got pushed. Sort of the opposite of what Mom said, but I can see it happening both ways. Life is too short!
Thanks for the reminder to really live and treasure these moments.
Ci, I LOVED your post!!! You word things so eloquently. I just wanna (want to :-) say, "yeah, what she said!" Thank goodness for those moments that force us to slow down and kuddos to you for taking that moment to simply enjoy and reflect.
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